The Church of Satan responded to the news by saying, "Uh, yeah. We knew that. We were just messing with the Christians."
The impact will be harsh on the metal scene. Bands around the world will be forced to revise lyrics and album covers. Tattoo artists are already trying to figure out a "6" into a "1".
In other news, Satan closed down 50 on the NYSE today.
PS: I just want to know: Where'd the other 50 go?