What? EMAIL? THAT'S SO last decade!

Ok, fine. You can email me. Use the form over there on the right.

WARNING: If you spam me, I'm going to hunt down everyone you've ever known and loved and tell them that you are a dirty, rotten spammer. And you smell.


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Midget Timer


Like most people, I get tons of spam. Every couple of days, I open my junk mail folder and do a quick scan to make sure nothing got flagged inappropriately. Occassionally, the subject lines are interesting. I find the attempts at 'bait and switch' to get you to open the email to be pretty funny.

"This is the stuff, from Tyler." - Like it's a drug deal showing up at the wrong door step. You know Tyler right? This is the stuff, man. THE STUFF. Open up.

"2Checkout.com Billing Confirmation" - Hmm. I didn't order anything from anyplace called 2Checkout.com, but better check in case they really are billing me, right? What's this... An ad to help me "Ejaculate like a porn star"! Wow! Boy am I glad they tricked me into opening this mail.

"Midget Timer" - Wow! Normally I'd never by something from spam, but I've totally been needing a way to time my midgets! Wait, what's this? Stock market spam?! DAMN IT. So disappointed.

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