I followed an Amazon link from one of my favorite webcomics and stumbled across this Justice League movie, pictured on the left. (If you must know, the link I clicked on was for a He-Man animated movie. No, I’m not some sort of closet He-man fan. It’s just that I can’t believe he’s still around. What? No, it’s true. Whatever. As if you’re so perfect and refined.)

The Justice League cartoons tend to be pretty decent kid’s shows and I haven’t seen this one. So, I’m casually observing the scene on the cover. All the heroes who can fly are taking off up into the air. Behind them are spaceships blasting off. It looks like something serious is going down. Like a huge space war or incoming alien armada. Very dramatic.

Wait… what the hell is Green Arrow doing? He’s aiming his bow into the sky. That’s just great. Shooting an arrow straight up is against the SECOND RULE on the Augusta High School’s P.E. Department’s website for archery safety. Didn’t Green Arrow go to High School? Or camp? Or hear of gravity?

Plus they’re launching SPACE SHIPS at whatever the threat is. YOU HAVE A BOW AND ARROW. We don’t need to call the Mythbusters to find out what happens when you fire an arrow at something in the upper atmosphere.

A little out of your league, so to speak, dontcha think, Greenie?

I got into an odd discussion about calendars and leap years, so I did a little wiki research on the topic and stumbled across this tidbit: “In the Islamic calendar, leap months are not used. They are forbidden by the Qur’an, which says…”

WTF? Were they running out of shit to ban?!

Mecca, sometime in the 7th century. A wise looking prophet, MUHAMMED, sits with a SCRIBE. MUHAMMAD dictates as the SCRIBE scribes.

SCRIBE

“Ok, cartoons of the prophet. Got it. What’s next?”

MUHAMMAD

“Leap years!”

SCRIBE

“What?”

MUHAMMAD

“I hate that shit. I can never remember how many days in February!”

SCRIBE

“I’m not adding that. It’s stupid.”

MUHAMMAD

“You have to! I’m fucking Muhammad and an angel told me Leap Years are evil! Don’t make me add something about stoning mouthy scribes…”

SCRIBE

“FINE. Whatever. Next?”

The above didn’t actually happen, as the Qur’ān did not exist in book form at the time of Muhammad’s death in 632. It is, however, funnier this way. It would be funnier still as a cartoon.

A forum discussion about cops and traffic stops reminded me of this memory from my youth.

I file this snippet of my life under “Best Lines I Never Used“.

Many, many, many moons ago (back when I was 18), I was taking a risk and speeding to work through a part of the South Bay Area sprawl known as Campbell. Campbell was well known amongst my friends for having more than it’s fair share of really dickish cops. We all tried our best to not get pulled over in that town because there was no talking your way out of the ticket. However, I was late.

So, predictably, I got nabbed only a few miles from work. The cop pulls me over and takes his time coming up to my window. When he gets there, I can see that he’s already pissed off about something. He gives me a little lecture, and then asks me if I knew what the speed limit was.

I actually didn’t, but it just so happens he pulled me over right in front of a speed limit sign. I look up at it and say, “uh… 35?”

“Do you know how fast you were going?”

“Uh…”

“53 miles per hour.”

Now, this is what I should have said: “But, officer, I’m dyslexic!”

It only would have made things worse, but what was he gonna do? Write me a ticket for being a smart ass on top of the speeding?

I still kick myself and use it as a reminder to always go with the instinct, because “one time, I said to this cop…” makes for a better story than “one time, I thought of something to say to this cop…”

Easter Sunday is the day that Christians celebrate the world’s most famous zombie, Jesus Christ. Traditionally, they celebrate this day by stealing traditions from pagans, hiding things from children, and then fattening those same children up on candy. There’s also something about a rabbit.

It’s a well known fact that Zombie Christ, like all zombies, hates the living and wants to feast on your flesh. So, be careful. (I must admit to being a little confused about why so many people are looking forward to his return. He doesn’t sound very nice.)

Oh, on a related note: Hey, zombie movie fans, Ash Wednesday is not what you think it is It makes much less sense.

tags technorati : easter religion zombies run_for_your_life_its_jesus

Sometimes, I can’t help myself.

The characters on TV sit around a table in a cafe, discussing the war in Iraq. They mention pithy slogans they have seen on t-shirts that denounce the war. CHRIS sits in his living room, watching them.

JENNY

We’re killing people faster than we’re making enemies.

CHRIS

(to the TV)

Wait, then what’s the problem? That math works!

Apparently, I will play devil’s advocate even against fictional people.

Scott Kurtz, the PvP comic guy, has had an idea that will shake the foundations of Web 2.0. The various revolutionaries and masterminds behind Flickr, Tumblr, Zooomr, Twittr* and all the rest can collectively hang up their whiteboard markers. The epitome of Web 2.0 has been conceived.

I’ll let you visit Scott’s blog to discover the wonders of Poopr.

*=I realize it’s “Twitter” but they apparently didn’t get the memo about dropping the last vowel. In an unrelated note, I’m considering changing my name to Christophr.

01/01/07 - Comic History, originally uploaded by finrod.
Congrats to one of my fave webcomic dudes, rstevens. He’s managed to crossover from webcomic-only to web & print. In some papers, his strip, Diesel Sweeties, has replaced the venerable Foxtrot, which I love, but won’t miss since I don’t read dead-tree newspapers anymore. Foxtrot hasn’t ended, mind you, just gone Sundays only. Bill Amend’s had a brilliant run and deserves his semi-retirement.

Anyways, congrats to Clango & the crew. And rstevens.

When you define broad search parameters and find nothing, you will find less when you narrow the search parameters. It’s pretty simple.

INT. CHRIS’ APT - AFTERNOON

The phone rings. CHRIS looks at the caller and, visibly annoyed, decides to answer it.

CHRIS

Yes?

MAN ON PHONE

Hello. Can I speak with Janine?

CHRIS

There’s no Janine here.

MAN ON PHONE

Janine Jacobson?

CHRIS

I don’t care how many names you add on to the end of it. There’s no Janine here.

MAN ON PHONE

Oh? Uh. Thank you very much. God bless.

CHRIS

No thanks.

Ok, I suppose that’s unfair. She’s been a lying bitch a lot longer than that. It’s only been 270 weeks since she accepted James Randi’s challenge to prove her abilities.

Via James Randi Educational Foundation:

On September 3, 2001, Sylvia Browne accepted the specific protocol for a definitive test for the JREF million-dollar challenge, on Larry King Live. The box shows the number of weeks since that date. And, it has been more than 294 weeks since she first agreed to be tested on March 6, 2001!

There’s a clip from the Larry King show on Randi’s site. In it, Sylvia mentions that Randi has been challenging her for a while, but she has a “day job” (I’m not certain con artist should be called a “day job”, it’s insulting to people who work for a living)… however, she does accept the challenge. Of course, that was 2001.

270 weeks and she hasn’t found a spare moment to follow through on her word?

Shocking, ain’t it?

Tonight (ok, technically last night, as it’s past midnight as I write this… stop being so picky), we went and saw Kathy Griffin (official site - wiki) and laughed our asses off. As a straight male, I’m not her general target demo, but that doesn’t stop me from being a Margaret Cho fan either. Funny is funny and Kathy is fuckin’ funny. Of course, if you’re completely oblivious to celebrity “news” then she’s probablly not your cup of tea.

However, if you think celebrities and their antics are a joke, then Kathy is the punchline.