I can review this movie in three words: Optimus Fucking Prime.

Now, for a little backstory. On me, that is.

When I was a kid, I watched the cartoon, played with my Transformers, and all was good. I didn’t have very many of of those robotic heroes, but I loved ‘em. My friends had more and I got to occasionally, you know, watch them play with them.

Of course, over the years, the Transformers and I have grown apart. You know how it is. They had about a billion different incarnations and me, well, I eventually discovered booze and girls. I still always had a special place in my heart for the First Generation, though.

Ok, maybe a little about the movie now.

So, the Transformers movie doesn’t exactly feature the first gen Autobots and Decepticons, but I don’t think you could bring their blocky appearance to the big screen in a live-action movie and be able to sell it. So, they’ve been redesigned again.

But that’s ok, the movie does a good job of capturing the feel. And, with Peter Cullen voicing Optimus Prime, just as he did back when the cartoon first hit the teevee, I was occasionally taken back to being a kid again and revelling in moments of sheer awesomeness.

It’s sad, though, that this isn’t an awesome movie. The plot’s alright. It definitely laid the groundwork for a sequel or two, and that’s not a bad thing. However there were more than a couple of plot holes that you’re either left to fill in on your own, or just sidestep altogether. Some of the jokes were obvious and flat, others were obvious and still funny. All in all, the script could have been better.

The directing is, well, it’s done by Michael Bay. Some of his Super Action™ shots work, and some of the more serious dramatic choices left me wondering if the film was directed by one of the On The Lot contestants. All in all, though, it’s probably Bay’s best work.

This movie was at least half about the people, as opposed to Transformers. Some of my fellow geeks were a bit miffed about this, but they fail to recognize that that is what has to be done to introduce the Transformers as characters and not just special effects, to the general populace. You have to give a frame of reference, and you do that through the eyes of human characters that you can identify with. Now we’re all set up for a rockin’ Transformers 2.

So, fortunately, the acting was all pretty good. Shia LaBeouf (oy what a name) does a great job as the human star of this movie. (I’m pretty excited that he’s been tapped to be in the 4th Indiana Jones movie. I think he’s gonna complement Harrison’s Indy very well.) The movie’s hotness, when not supplied by CGI, is brought by the stunning Megan Fox. Jon Voight, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese, Anthony Anderson, and aussie girl, uh, Rachael Taylor all gave good performances.

The performance that was dragging down the average though, was John Turturro’s. What the fuck? He was a completely unbelievable cartoon. When you have giant, transforming, alien robots battling for the fate of Earth, your believability needs to come from your actors. However, nearly ever scene with Turturro sucks. The thing is, Turturro is a good actor. So, what then? I lay the blame here at Bay’s feet. (It makes sense, and it allows for another shot at Michael Bay’s lack of skillz.)

To sum up my thoughts on this movie in a single sentence: Optimus Prime rocks, and I will buy this DVD as soon as I can.

PS: This remarkable rambling review is accompanied by a Yelp review of the theater.

On The Lot is essentially American Idol for directors.

The concept of this show is right up my alley. I want nothing more to quit my job and become more of a content producer than consumer. So, this show vicariously feeds that pipe dream. I wonder if hopeful singers feel the same thing when they watch American Idol. (Not that I want to be a director, mind you, but still.)

So, I am really enjoying the show so far.

However, flawless it is not. The first episode, which clocked in at two hours, might have put a few people off because they had so many contestants/directors and you didn’t get much a feel for their style or talent at that point, yet people were getting cut.

The episodes got better, though, by cutting down the number of filmmakers competing per episode. This allows for more focus on the directors and their work. Much easier to get into and appreciate.

I’m torn, however, on if the format of the contest itself is right. It’s American Idol style, which means that the viewing public votes for their favorites at the end of each episode. I wonder if the mission of the show might be better served by something more along the lines of America’s Next Top Model or Project Runway, where the judges decide who stays and goes. However, that brings me to the next problem: the judges.

Carrie Fisher is a bizarre lady and while she has had a successful career in film, her biggest behind-the-camera success was as the writer of Postcards from the Edge. Seventeen years ago. She is, however, a script doctor (i.e. one of those folks a studio might bring in to punch up or tighten a screenplay.) I don’t know that she’s the best person to be critiquing these budding directors. She doesn’t seem to get what they’re trying to do, half the time. That might be because she’s nutty, though.

The other judge who’s there week to week is Gary Marshall. His career behind the camera makes for a pretty impressive resume, as most people know. He knows what it takes to sell a movie. Of course, he’s also 72, so it sometimes feels like he might be a little out of touch with a youger market. Of course, what do I know? The man’s still directing movies and I’m blabbering on a blog.

The third judge’s seat is filled by guest judges. So far, we’ve seen the likes of Brett Ratner and Michael Bay. There are several others, but I felt like singling these two out. Brett Ratner is the man that many people blame for ruining the X-men movie franchise. And Michael Bay? While you’re snapping at contestants to develop “style”, without ever explaining what you mean, you should remember that you’re the guy that directed Bad Boys II and Pearl Harbor. Just sayin’.

The show would need better judges (except for maybe Gary Marshall) if they were the ones voting. What’s amusing is that the live audience will actively BOO the judges with they disagree.

One of the things the show got right is their website. You can see all of the contestant’s movies there, vote there (during a set time window) and they’ve cultivated an odd community of aspiring filmmakers.

Another thing they got right is the host. Adrianna Costa might not be the smoothest at delivering her lines, but she’s fun and fairly easy on the eyes. Of course, there’s some debate about that.

I have some comments on some of the contestants, but this post has rambled on long enough. Maybe I’ll write another in a few days. The bottom line is that they are what makes the show good. The rest is just dressing.

Even people who don’t play World of Warcraft will probably be impressed by how good the cinematics for the game are. Specifically the World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade Cinematic Intro and the orginal intro (also downloadable from the Blizz site.)

If you’re not impressed, you don’t know a damned thing about computer graphics. These cinematics are better than (almost?) any fully CGI-rendered feature film. I can’t think of a single release that tops them. The Final Fantasy movies PALE in comparison.

So, on that note, I have to say it’s a tremendous shame that the WoW movie won’t be done by them. It will be live action. My Blizz connection says, “The Blizzard Film Department will stay focused on in-game stuff.”

feh.

Recently, the full trailer for 300 was released. 300 is the film adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel which, in turn, is a retelling of the legendary Battle of Thermopylae.

It is, perhaps, the best trailer I have ever seen.

The Sin City movie was another adaptation of Frank Miller’s distinctive work. The Sin City flick was really well done and stayed true to Miller’s visual/artistic style, and 300 does as well.. but in a different way.

At any rate, I haven’t even seen 300 yet and I’m already looking forward to Zack Snyder (the director) taking on the Watchmen & Rainbow Six projects. That’s how good this trailer is. heh.

The movie comes out March 9th, 2007.

My favorite podcast, Geekdrome, is officially over. It had a good run, as podcasts go. 53 weekly episodes and most of them video. Podcasts run by hobbyists (as opposed to something like Keith and the Girl where it’s a business) tend to end “too early”, but I thought we had a few more months anyways.

There’s a very large community surrounding this particular podcast, and we’re trying to figure out how to maintain it post ‘drome. Who knows if it will happen, but even if the community dissolves, I know there’s a few people I’ll still keep in contact with. So, that’s cool.

However, in addition to a very entertaining show, it was also a great source of geek news and info. In one show, I was able to get movie, comic and gaming news for a couple of guys I learned to trust, or mistrust depending on the topic and now I am starting over at square one. Dammit.

I’ve been using the online bartering service, BarterBee, a while now and I thought I’d share my experiences. (In the interest of full disclosure, that link tells them that I sent you and I should get 5 points for each person that joins and requests an item. You get 5 points just for signing up.)

The way it works is that you sign up and list what Games, CDs and/or DVDs you have to trade. You assign a point value to each item and people use their points to buy them from you. When someone requests the item, you drop it into a Barterbee envelope, sans case, and send it off. When they get your item, you get your points.

Points, the currency of Barterbee, are worth about a dollar each. (In fact, you can actually buy points from Barterbee at that price-point. So I guess it’s exactly a dollar each.)

Thus far, my experience has been nothing but great. I’ve sold/traded off about 18 games and movies and have 4 more in transit. In every transaction I have received more value (i.e points/dollars) than I ever would have if I had I tried to sell the items to a used shop or via eBay. Sometimes as good as a 5-to-1 ratio. Often about 3.5 to 4 on PS2 games.

I’ve only requested DVDs so far. There’s a good selection of XBox games, but hardly any Xbox 360 games. No surprise there, though, the system is too new. There are also tons of games for other platforms. Even Atari 2600 games.

I haven’t used the service for Music CDs or PC/Mac games yet. I think LaLa.com, which Annette uses, may have cornered the market of the former. I plan to make use of Barterbee for the latter, whenever I can work up the energy to dig the games out of boxes.

Speaking of LaLa.com, Barterbee could learn a couple things from LaLa. I’ve watched Annette do the LaLa transactions a few times and it slighlty less cumbersome than BarterBee.

Saturday, we saw the new Martin Scorcese film The Departed. It’s got a cast that’s so full of big names that I had to wonder if it would really be as good as it sounded with all those egos vying for attention and screen time.

Nicholson, DiCaprio, Damon, Sheen, Wahlberg, Baldwin. And those are just the ones you recognize with one name. Then there’s folk like Ray Winstone, Anthony Anderson, Kevin Corrigan, and the lovely Vera Farmiga.

Not a single bad performance in the lot. In fact, quite the inverse. Jack Nicholson plays an Irish-American mob boss who doesn’t feel like the same Nicholson character we’ve seen a couple dozen times. DiCaprio is, perhaps only now, officially all growed up I think. (The guy is only two years younger than me, but has been playing a kid for the last decade it feels like. Even in the Aviator, he seemed a little young for the role.)

It’s originally a Chinese movie, and although I know there were some changes, I have not seen the original yet. This might explain why it doesn’t feel like the standard Hollywood drivel.

The movie runs two and a half hours, but doesn’t feel like it. The entire movie is a good ride, even the slower parts.

Maybe this is old news, but I just found out there’s a Dragonlance movie in the works and it’s going to be animated. They must have a budget, because they just signed Kiefer Sutherland as Raistlin. That’s a good choice, but there are some odd casting choises too, like Lucy Lawless as Goldmoon.

I read DragonLance Chronicles back in highschool and loved them back then. I’ve never re-read them, so they’re stored away in my memory in a hermetically sealed jar. I always wanted to see this as a movie, but I imagined it more of a live action epic like LoTR. So, I’m a bit torn. I supposed it’s good that the original authors are credited as “creative consultants”.

I wonder what the animation will be like… should I be worried that one of the director’s first entries in IMDB is for the Jem cartoon?

Official Site and IMDB entry.

I just saw Bloodrayne. A vampire movie based on a computer game that probably only a few dozen people ever played. The game was fun, so I was hoping the movie would be too. However, as the film marched through the phases of production and I saw Uwe Boll chosen as the director, my hopes faltered.

Well, really, they fell right on their face.

So, when I got the DVD via Netflix recently, I wasn’t expecting much from the movie. However, even my low expectations could not prepare me for this movie.

This movie made me wish I could take my eyeballs out and sterilize them.

The direction was as bad as can be imagined. Full of cheezy camera effects, silly slow motion and overly dramatic flashbacks. It’s puzzling that they’ve handed over the reins of three more game titles to Boll to direct (and produce). Don’t expect anything out of the Dungeon Siege, Postal or Far Cry movies.

The casting was also full of some bizarre choices. Rayne was played by Kristanna Lokken who, while pretty, proved to us in Terminator 3 that she couldn’t even act like a robot. Michelle Rodriguez (aka Miss Got Her Ass Fired From Lost For Drunk Driving) plays a vampire hunter and slips in and out of the worst accent I’ve heard since Kevin Costner’s Robin Hood. Other oddities include Michael Madsen, Billy Zane and Meatloaf… yes, Meatloaf. They somehow roped Ben Kingsley into playing the villain, as well.

I’m guessing Uwe has naked pictures of Sir Ben and a goat, or something. Though I think that might have been less embarrassing than being in this movie. (Ok, and to be fair, Michael Madsen and Meatloaf are also pretty good actors… but neither of them were properly cast in this flick.)

The movie was written by Guinevere Turner, who I really want to say nice things about because she’s a writer on the L-Word, inspired the movie Chasing Amy and is Kevin Smith’s ex-girlfriend. So, what can I say about her? Uh… she doesn’t normally suck this bad?

The plot was transparent (and completely off from the game, but, compared to everything else, I couldn’t care less about that… except at least the game was interesting) and the dialog was some of the worst melodrama I’ve heard in a long time. Just painful.

However, the biggest problems with the movie were the special effects and the fight sequences, both of which were considerably inferior to the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (Sorry, Buffy fans.. but that first season was BAD.) I’ve seen better stuff done by amateurs on YouTube. (Serisouly. Check that link. It’s kinda cool.)

Then, at the end of the movie, Uwe does the most inexplicable, weirdest, fuckin’ thing I can imagine him doing… replaying all of the gory violence in SLOW MOTION so you can REALLY see how bad it is. And it turns out to be worse than you thought it was the first time. I mean.. why would you DO that?

I saw X-men 3 on the Saturday after it opened, and have been meaning to post my thoughts on it ever since. Since I’m the only comics geek friend to several people, they keep asking my opinions and, while I’m happy to wax philosophical about the transition from comic books to film at pretty much any point in time, I do think I oughta put all my thoughts on X3 in one place. That’s here.

This might get long; moreover since I’m writing it in bits and pieces throughout a busy workday er two days er A WEEK of pure hell at work, it might get rambley. I might also make up new words like rambley. I’ll also let you, dear reader, know before I unleash any spoilers.

Ok, I feel you’ve been duly warned on all the dangers of proceeding.

Boring comic/movie geek stuff ahead.

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